Different, not less

Different, not less.  This is a quote by Temple Grandin.  There is a wealth of truth in it.  Parenting, especially balancing multiple kids, is hard.  Parenting with an autistic kid and a neurotypical kid is like a roller coaster ride.  There are so many emotional ups and downs.
I constantly worry that I am not doing enough for each of my kids.  I don't want to make either of them feel that I have put the other first.  C is 11---with the mentality of about 5-6.  B is 6--with the mentality of about 7-8.  It is kind of funny how they have reversed roles and he acts like the older brother.  He dotes on her like she is his own personal baby or pet!  But sometimes, you can tell that he just wants to be Mama's baby boy.
C has autism, epilepsy, ADHD, and mild CP.  Obviously, she takes up alot of my time and energy.  She needs help with so many little things that he has done on his own for for a while now.  She has to be constantly prompted to do the things she knows how to do.  Caring for her is a full-time job for anyone.  B is very independent and likes to think he knows how to do everything.  And he is usually right!  So at the end of the day, I feel utterly exhausted from dealing with her, and guilty because he has basically cared for himself all day.  I have been trying to carve out little times for me to read to him or do something else that he like to do.
Friday was a typical roller coaster day.  I had C's IEP meeting first thing.  She will be going into 5th grade next year.  She has improved some in her reading and math, but basically we are staying the course.  Not bad, but not a big breakthough either.  Just another reminder of how hard life is for her.  Then I get a call to B's school because he is not feeling well.  His teacher just bragged on him.  She says that even though he is in kindergarten, she feels that he is ready for 2nd grade.  She is going to suggest that he be placed in a multi-age class with 1st and 2nd graders next year.  I am really proud of him, but at the same time I feel guilty because I don't feel that way about C.
I guess that is just life.  I don't love one of them more, but it is a slightly different kind of love.  I love him with a fierce pride.  He has excelled at so much.  I love her with a fierce protectiveness.  I don't want anyone to hurt her or make fun of her.  And I wish I could somehow make things easier for her.  She may be different, but she NOT less.