Mommy Doubt

Have you ever wondered if you are a good Mom?  I must admit that I do it all the time.  I am constantly second-guessing myself.  Anyway, I had that experience last week.  My son had the stomach virus.  He is prone to puking for no apparent reason, so this was really no big deal.  Plus, I am a nurse, so I figured I could handle it.  Except that it wouldn't go away.  He started vomiting Sunday night.  Monday night, I asked FB friends how long it had lasted with their kids.  Most said about 24 hours.  So I figured I would give super-gag-reflex boy and extra day.  By Wednesday morning he was still throwing up and had started running a fever.  So I finally made an appointment with his doctor.  We had a late afternoon appointment, and by then he was just pitiful.  I felt like dirt!  Surely, with a nurse for a mama, he ought to be better!!  Labs came back, and he was too dry so we had to be admitted overnight for hydration.  Okay, I really felt lower than dirt!!  Surely, I could care for a kid better than that!!  I spent most of the night going over his whole illness in my head.  Turns out, I would have done everything the same.  I did all the right things.  They just didn't work this time.  Then I spent some time thanking God that we live in modern times where IV hydration is available!! It amazes me how fast a little one can dehydrate, and it amazes me even more how quickly they can perk up!!  He came home the next day.  He was puny for a few days, but as soon as he started eating good, he was back to his normal self.

Did I mention that he is my easy kid??  My daughter has autism and epilepsy, and that is a whole other can of parental doubt!!  It is a constant attempt to try and balance her anxieties in public places and trying to push her to expand her horizons!  I just have so much trouble trying to see if her meltdowns are partial panic attacks or typical tantrums!

I suppose most parents have these doubts.  Unfortunately, our kids don't come with owner manuals.  It probably weighs more on the minds of moms than dads, since we spend so much time with the kids.  I just hope and pray that I do mostly the right things.  I hope I remember to teach them all they need to know to function properly in the world, and to productive members of society.  I know she will have her limitations, but hopefully she can be semi-independent.  It is times like this, when the weight of responsibility seems almost more than I can bear.  Then I look around and realize I am not alone.  I have a great support system among my FB friends and family.  So remember--you have to keep me on the right track!!  No pressure there, huh??